


All Kinds of Messy

by DKNC



Series: Love, Unexpected [7]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:15:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26763445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DKNC/pseuds/DKNC
Summary: The Stark family navigates the most tragic twenty-four hours in their lives, and Catelyn finds comfort from a surprising source as she faces her own terrifying battle without Ned by her side. The only way forward for all of them is through the pain, and the only thing that can sustain them on this journey through the dark places is the strength they find in one another.
Relationships: Catelyn Stark/Ned Stark, Robert Baratheon/Lyanna Stark
Series: Love, Unexpected [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/49476
Comments: 37
Kudos: 83





	All Kinds of Messy

**Author's Note:**

> A long time ago (in a galaxy right here) . . . . I wrote the first six installments of this series. Against all reasonable betting odds after such a long hiatus, here is the seventh installment just in case there are two or three of you who didn't give up on it years ago.

_What is that beeping? Is there something in the microwave?_ The surprising realization that she was lying down left Catelyn struggling to recall going to bed. The strange beeping sound continued and she gradually became aware of other sounds a well—the low murmur of voices and a variety of other noises she couldn’t identify. _I don’t feel very well,_ she thought.

“Ned?” she said, her voice low and hoarse. She reached her arm out toward his side of the bed only to have it hit cold, hard metal instead of her warm husband. Her eyes flew open in shock.

“Cat? Thank God you’re awake!” Lyanna Stark was staring down at her with red rimmed eyes and she grabbed Catelyn’s hand, holding it with an almost uncomfortably tight grip.

“What? Where . . .” Catelyn felt dizzy and afraid. She looked around and saw that she was lying in a narrow bed in a small white room with a tv mounted in the corner and some sort of screen with medical readouts at the side of the bed where Lyanna stood. The beeping is my heart rate, she thought, her fleeting satisfaction at having solved the mystery quickly replaced by sheer terror at the realization that she was in a hospital with no recollection of how she’d gotten there. “My baby! Lyanna, what’s wrong with my baby?” she cried out, trying to sit up only to be held down by a pair of strong hands reaching from the other side of the bed.

“Shh. You need to be still, Cat.”

She jerked her head toward the familiar voice to see Robert Baratheon leaning over her with a look of fearful concern she had never before seen on her husband’s best friend’s face. “What’s going on, Robert? Why am I here? Where’s Ned?” She watched as Robert looked across the bed at Lyanna helplessly. “Lya!” Catelyn cried, looking back at her sister-in-law. “Talk to me! I don’t know where I am. Where’s Ned?”

“You’re in the ER at George Washington, Cat,” Lyanna said quickly. “The baby’s fine. You . . . fainted. Don’t you remember?”

Catelyn felt Robert’s hands reduce the pressure on her arms and she quickly jerked the hand Lyanna wasn’t holding upward to lay upon her belly, reassured by touching the familiar firm roundness that confirmed her baby was still nestled inside her. There was a wide sort of belt holding something against her belly, and she began to tug at it. Robert’s hand completely let go of her arm, and he gently put it over her hand to still it. 

“That’s Little Pup’s heart monitor,” he said, trying hard to grin at her. “Fastest heart rate I’ve ever seen, but the doc says that means he’s a healthy little bugger.” He pointed to a smaller medical display screen on his side of her hospital bed, and she looked at the steady line of little blips rapidly marching across it.

“Why isn’t it beeping?” she asked, thinking even as she spoke it was a stupid question. Her brain didn’t seem to work properly.

“Silenced,” Robert said. “They aren’t worried about him, Cat. It’s you that gave us the scare.”

“Robert,” Lyanna hissed at him, and Catelyn turned to look at her again.

“Where’s Ned?” she repeated. “And tell me what’s going on, Lyanna.” She felt heavy and weak and terrified as she grasped for some memory of how she’d gotten here.

“Go get the doctor, Robert,” Lyanna said, and Catelyn felt the big man’s hands pull away from her as he stood to walk to the door of the little room. He looked back to grin at her before opening it to step out.

“Everything’s going to be fine, Cat. I promise,” he said.

Catelyn’s mind uncomfortably began to recall the ease with which Robert had made and broken promises to any number of people through the years she’d known him which made it difficult for her to find reassurance from his words. “Lyanna . . .” she said through gritted teeth.

“I’m going to let the doctor explain the medical stuff, Cat,” Lyanna said quickly. “But Robert told you the truth about the baby. Everyone here says the baby’s doing fine.” She sighed. “Do you remember what happened at the Christmas party? At Stark Enterprise?”

Catelyn squeezed her eyes shut trying to remember. The Christmas party. Ned had tried to get her to stay home. She’d had a headache all day and her ankles were like tree trunks, but she knew Rickard expected all of them to be there. Ned had to go. And she couldn’t send him to spend hours with Brandon without her. They were speaking again, but there remained a good deal of tension between them. She wasn’t about to allow Ned’s brother any opportunity to hurt him. She’d managed to keep a smile on her face at the party for awhile, but she was so tired and her head was pounding. Finally, she’d gone to lie down in the family lounge and Ned had insisted on coming with her, of course. He’d been rubbing her feet, alarmed at how swollen she was, and Brandon had come in, and then Lyanna.

“Oh, Lya!” she exclaimed. “You . . . Rhaegar . . . I’m so sorry! I . . .”

“Hush, Cat. You, of all people, have nothing to be sorry for. Unless you’re apologizing for scaring Robert and me shitless.”

“But Robert wasn’t . . .” She shook her head, looking up at her sister-in-law as she desperately tried to reach through the fog in her brain for more memories. “Brandon pushed Ned to the floor!” she exclaimed suddenly, the fear and anger of that moment flooding through her. Lyanna nodded slowly and simply remained silent, allowing Catelyn to close her eyes and try to fill in the blank spots in her mind.

_Brandon was in a fury, ranting and raving about murdering Robert Baratheon. Catelyn’s head was pounding and she found it difficult to stand, but she had to get up because Lyanna was looking at her with tears in her eyes and asking if she hated her. Of course not. I could never hate you, Lya. She thought she’d said that aloud, and even repeated something like it more than once, but her brain seemed slow and her tongue suddenly felt thick and difficult to move now that she was standing. Then Brandon was shouting about Rhaegar Targaryen and she found it hard to follow the conversation. Then he shouted at Ned, and that cut through the fog in her brain as she called him out for it. Rhaegar Targaryen had fathered Lyanna’s baby? Lyanna was nodding, and Catelyn wanted to pull her into her arms to comfort her, but Brandon was trying to leave and Ned was trying to stop him, Then Ned was the ground and she was reaching for him. She held onto him, but he whispered in her ear that he had to stop Brandon and only stayed long enough to help her back onto the couch, ordering Lyanna to stay with her as he left._

“Where’s Ned?” she asked now, opening her eyes.

“He went after Brandon,” Lyanna replied.

“I remember that. But where is he now? How long have I been here? How did I get here? I . . . don’t remember, Lya! What’s happening to me?” She could hear the desperation in her own voice as it got louder with each question.

“Nothing’s going to happen to you,” Lyanna said fiercely. Then she took a deep breath. “You remember everything that happened before Ned left?” she asked.

Catelyn nodded. The last part was fuzzy, but she remembered.

“Do you remember Robert coming in?”

Catelyn thought hard, but then shook her head. “You were afraid he would never come back,” she said softly. “What happened . . . no! First tell me how long I’ve been here and where Ned is, and then tell me what happened with Robert.”

“You’ve been here just under an hour, Mrs. Stark,” came a voice from the door. “You were brought in by ambulance after you lost consciousness at the Stark Enterprise building.”

A woman Catelyn had never seen before entered the room followed closely by Robert Baratheon. She approached the bed, and Lyanna backed away to make room for her. “I’m Dr. Martin, the obstetrician on call for emergencies in the ER today. We’ve called your doctor, and he’ll be here soon. It’s good to see you awake.”

“Is my baby really okay? What’s going on with me?”

“The baby seems to be doing just fine. I would like to get an ultrasound if that’s all right with you.”

Catelyn nodded. “Of course.”

“You have pre-eclampsia, Mrs. Stark,” she continued. “It’s a condition in pregnancy associated with high blood pressure and other problems. Your blood pressure was exceptionally high when you were brought in. Did you ever have problems with blood pressure before your pregnancy?”

“I’ve never had problems with my blood pressure. Before or during my pregnancy. It was a little higher than it had been at my last visit almost three weeks ago, but I was told it wasn’t anything to be worried about.”

Dr. Martin nodded. “I’ve seen your chart. It wasn’t a big elevation, and your urine was fine. Now, however, you have a lot of protein in your urine.”

Catelyn must have looked puzzled because the doctor elaborated. “You were unresponsive when you came in and we collected blood and urine samples to analyze. Pre-eclampsia can cause problems with multiple organs including the liver and kidneys. It can also lead to seizures in some cases and to low platelet counts which cause bleeding. Your kidney numbers and platelet count were fine, and your liver enzymes were only mildly elevated. You’ve got quite a lot of edema—swelling—though. How long has that been going on?”

“Um. My ankles were swollen at my last prenatal visit, but not like this. Dr. Luwin told me to work less and put my feet up more. I guess I haven’t done a very good job at that. They’ve gotten much worse this past week.”

“We don’t know exactly what causes pre-eclampsia, Mrs. Stark, but it isn’t something you did. How have you felt in general?”

“Good, until this past week. I’ve been tired, but that’s just pregnancy, right? Oh! And I’ve had headaches the past couple days. Bad headaches, especially today.”

Dr. Martin frowned at that. “We’ve given you a medication for the high blood pressure which has brought it down quite a bit. We’ll keep you on monitors and repeat labs in a bit. I’d also like to give you a dose of steroids. You’re about 32 weeks along, correct?”

Catelyn nodded. “I’ll be 32 weeks on Monday.”

“Steroids help the baby’s lungs mature more quickly. Just in case we need to deliver . . .”

“Deliver?!? It’s too early for that!” Catelyn exclaimed.

“We won’t deliver the baby any earlier than necessary, Mrs. Stark, but delivery is the one treatment that’s most effective for pre-eclampsia. If your condition worsens, delivery of the baby is the best option for you.”

“You can’t deliver Little Pup yet. He’s not big enough. It’s not safe,” she whispered, slowly shaking her head.

“We don’t have to make that call yet. You and the baby are stable right now, and your doctor will be here soon. She smiled at Catelyn. I’ll send in the ultrasound tech. I know it’s hard, but try not to worry. When will Mr. Stark arrive?”

At that, Catelyn looked back up at Lyanna. “Yes, Lya,” she said sharply. “When will Mr. Stark arrive?”

“Uh,” Lya looked at Robert and then back to Dr. Martin without once looking at Catelyn. “We haven’t actually been able to reach my brother yet,” she said softly. “There was a bit of a family emergency—another emergency, that is—that he left to handle just before all this happened, and I don’t think he has his cell on him.”

Catelyn felt both dread and anger at Lyanna’s words, but she waited until Dr. Martin left the room to speak. “What the hell is going on, Lyanna?” she demanded as the door closed behind the doctor.

“We don’t really know, Catelyn,” Lyanna sighed. “He took off after Brandon who said he knew where Aerys Targaryen was staying. How Ned planned to figure out where that was, I don’t know, but he’s been getting Brandon out of trouble for years, so I’m sure he managed it. I’ve texted him at least 10 times, and Ned’s good about answering his phone so I’m pretty sure that means he’s with Brandon now because only thing Ned’s better about than answering his phone is turning it off when he needs to focus on the person he’s with. You know that, Cat. He’ll have Brandon squared away and check that phone any minute now, and then beat himself up all the way here for not checking it sooner. He’ll be here for you and Little Pup. You know nothing in the world is more important to him.”

Catelyn didn’t respond. She did know all those things were true. But somehow, lying in this hospital bed, terrified that she might lose their baby while he wouldn’t even look at his damn phone to check on her made it hard to think rationally.

“He’ll be here, Cat,” Robert said quietly, speaking for the first time since he returned with Dr. Martin. “I know he’ll be here.” Catelyn looked at him and saw the certainty in his eyes. “Most men are shit, you know, myself included. But Ned doesn’t let people down. And he loves you more than anything in this world.”

Catelyn felt the tears sting her eyes. “I know. But I need him here,” she whispered. “And I’m so damn mad at him for being anywhere else right now. I just can’t help it.”

“I know, Cat,” Lyanna said, reaching for her hand again. “Believe me, I know.” She looked up at Robert. “And you’re not a total shit, Baratheon,” she said with a smile on her face. “In fact, you’re less shit than most men, in my opinion.”

Catelyn watched a genuine grin light up Robert’s face. “Well, I . . .” He was interrupted by the sudden blaring of some alternative rock song that Catelyn couldn’t quite recall the name of.

Lyanna jumped and grabbed for her purse. “I bet that’s Ned!” she exclaimed, fishing out her phone. Her brow furrowed as she looked at the screen. “It’s Ben,” she said, shaking her head. “He’s called four times to check on you already. I talked to him just before you woke up.” She touched the screen and held the phone up to ear. “Hey, Ben, she’s awake! Do you want . . . what? Ben! Slow down . . . I can’t. What’s wrong?” Lyanna’s voice sounded panicked as she asked what was wrong, and Catelyn didn’t need to hear the beeping of the damn monitor to know her heart rate had jumped up.

“What is it?” she heard Robert ask as she held her breath. 

Lyanna was now almost hyperventilating and her free hand flew to her mouth. “I . . . I’ll be right there. No, you go on with dad . . . Call me when you know where they’re taking him.” Lyanna was visibly shaken now, and she gasped back a sob before saying, “And Ben? Tell him I love him!” Lyanna let the hand holding the phone fall to her side and stood there with her head down and her shoulders shaking. 

Robert quickly put his arms around her and Catelyn watched Lyanna cry against his chest, trying to remember how to breathe herself, finally managing to ask, “Is it Ned? What’s happened, Lya? Is he all right?”

Lyanna sniffed and then looked up at Catelyn, shaking her head. “It’s my dad,” she said. “He’s had a heart attack.”

“What?” Catelyn exclaimed as Robert pulled Lyanna tighter against him and kissed the top of her head.

“Oh Jesus, he said. “I’ve got you, Lya. I’ve got you.”

Catelyn’s own tears spilled out then, and she desperately wanted to ask what happened and how Rickard was, but she forced herself to remain silent and let Robert just hold her sister-in-law as she cried for a few moments. Then Lyanna gently pushed him away and took a deep breath, looking first to Robert and then to Catelyn. “Ben wasn’t making much sense. I don’t know exactly what happened, but Dad collapsed and Jory Cassel had to perform CPR. Ben thinks it’s bad.”

“Where are they taking him?” Robert asked.

“I’m not sure. The ambulance just arrived. They’re letting Ben ride with him.” She looked at Catelyn. “I have to go, Cat. I’m so sorry.”

“Of course you have to go! Come here first, though!” She held her arms up and Lyanna bent over the bed so she could hug her tightly. “Little Pup and I will be fine. Go on to your father, Lyanna.”

Lyanna nodded and stood back up.

“Come on,” Robert said, reaching out a hand to Lyanna. “I’ll drive you.”

Lyanna shook her head. “You stay with Cat. She shouldn’t be here alone.”

“You’re not driving,” Robert insisted at the same time Catelyn said, “I’ll be fine, Lyanna! Robert should go with you.”

Lyanna smiled just a bit through her tears before saying, “Robert—Catelyn scaring the shit out of both of us sobered you up pretty well, but you’re probably still over the limit, you know. So YOU’RE not driving. And Ned will skin us both alive if we leave her here alone. And Cat,” she said, turning toward her. “You’re my sister. I wouldn’t leave you alone here even if I wasn’t scared of Ned. I’ll have Benjen with me. I’ll feel better if you have Robert with you.”

Catelyn smiled at her and nodded. “But I agree with Robert. You shouldn’t drive.”

Lyanna shook her head. “Well call me a car, Baratheon. And it better be here by the time I get downstairs. And don’t you leave her alone.” She kissed Robert quickly on the cheek and then looked once more at both of them through watery eyes. “I’ll call you when I know anything. Love you both!”

Robert was on the phone arranging the car before she was out of the room, and before he put it away, a nurse came in to administer the steroid shot Dr. Martin had mentioned and draw more of Catelyn’s blood.

“That was a big needle,” Robert said after she left. “Did it hurt much? I turned my back.”

“I’m tough,” Catelyn assured him, and he laughed. “

“That’s for damn sure,” he replied.

“Still over the limit?” Catelyn asked him with a raised brow, referencing Lyanna’s remark before she left.

Robert rolled his eyes. “Aw, come on, Cat. You know what I was like when I got to Stark.”

Catelyn sighed. “Actually I don’t. I can’t remember anything after Ned went chasing after Brandon until I woke up here. And Lyanna didn’t get to tell me anything more before Dr. Martin came in.

“Well, I don’t know how much she . . .”

“Mrs. Stark?” a bright voice came from the doorway. “I’m here to do the ultrasound.”

“Oh! Come in!” Catelyn said. As worried as she was about both Rickard and Ned, the prospect of actually seeing her Little Pup offered her the potential for reassurance that the baby truly was all right.

“Um, I guess I’ll just go . . .”

“You aren’t going anywhere, Robert Baratheon.”

“What? But you’re . . .”

“Going to have my big round, entirely unappealing belly exposed. It’s hardly likely to provoke you to lustful feelings for your friend’s wife,” she said, rolling her eyes.l

“It’s just that . . . it’s a private thing, isn’t it? Looking at your baby like that? It’s sort of intimate, I mean.”

Catelyn gave him a long look. “You’ve been to an ultrasound with Lyanna, haven’t you?”

He looked down. “Two weeks ago. She was twenty weeks. She wanted me to come so . . .” He shrugged.

“Well, you’ll not likely be shocked by anything here then. Except for the fact that I’m a lot bigger than I was at twenty weeks. My belly truly might scare you.”

“I don’t scare that easily, Tully,” Robert laughed. Then he sighed. “I just feel like this is the sort of thing you should see with Ned. Not me.”

“Well, Ned isn’t here, is he?” Catelyn said more sharply than she intended. “And Robert . . . I am scared,” she admitted softly. “If anything’s wrong . . .” She shook her head. “Please don’t leave me alone for this.”

Robert smiled at her. “Not a chance.” He looked at the ultrasound technician who’d been trying very hard to pretend she wasn’t in the room during their discussion. “Come on over and tell me where to pull up a chair for the best view of my future niece or nephew,” he said with a grin.

The young woman smiled. “You don’t know if you’re having a boy or girl yet, Mrs. Stark?” she asked as she pulled the ultrasound cart over and directed Robert on where to position one of the two chairs in the room to best see the screen and hold Catelyn’s hand. 

“No, and I don’t want to know until the baby’s born,” she replied.

The woman smiled. “I’ll do my best to stay away from any images that might give it away then. You’re almost thirty-two weeks, right? As Catelyn nodded, the smiling technician smeared the gel on her belly and then pressed the probe down into it. Catelyn held her breath awaiting the images of Little Pup on the screen and gripped Robert’s hand so tightly she probably restricted the blood flow to his fingers. She only relaxed her hold on him as the woman moved the probe around revealing the beautiful curve of her child’s head, that beautiful beating heart and a perfectly formed foot that pushed forward as if to kick the ultrasound probe away.

Robert laughed at that. “I bet you felt that one, didn’t you, Cat?” he said.

“I did,” she smiled. “He likes to kick me.”

“He?” Robert asked her suspiciously.

“Or she,” Catelyn laughed. “I just don’t like calling her or him an ‘it’.”

“All done,” the ultrasound tech said after a few moments. “Dr. Luwin will review the images and come into see you as soon as he can. I’m afraid he got pulled into an emergency C-section as soon as he arrived.

“But Little Pup looks perfect, right? He OR she looks perfect to me,” Robert said to her.

“I’m not really allowed to comment on the images,” the tech replied. “That’s the doctor’s job.”

Robert gave her big puppy dog eyes followed by his trademark grin, and the woman laughed. “I’m not qualified to give medical opinions, but . . . this baby looks like every other healthy thirty-two weeker I’ve ever scanned.” She winked at him and smiled at Catelyn before leaving.

“Thank you, Robert,” Catelyn said, giving the hand he hadn’t even realized she was still holding a squeeze.

“I thought you needed to hear that, Cat. It always pisses me off when you get the ‘wait for the doctor’ shit from people that you KNOW have done whatever test it is enough times to have some clue about what they’re looking at.”

“I agree. But I don’t just mean for that. For being here. For staying with me.”

“My pleasure. You know I’d do anything for Ned, Catelyn. I hope you know I’d do anything for you, too. Hell, next month, we’ll be family if Lyanna still lets Rickard have his way.” His face fell after the casual mention of Rickard. “Damn. I hope he’s all right. I know I’m not the man he’d choose for his little girl, but . . . he’s still done a hell of a lot for me in my life, and I just . . .”

“I know, Robert,” Catelyn said softly. “And for what it’s worth, Ned and I already consider you family.” She squeezed his hand again before letting it go. “Now then,” she said. “You were about to tell me what transpired during my blackout.”

Robert laughed out loud. “That’s usually my line.” She frowned at him. “Oh, let me enjoy it just a little, Tully. It’s not like you’ll ever give me the pleasure of actually seeing you blackout drunk.”

“Speaking of drunk . . .”

Robert sighed. “Lyanna said she told all of you about the picture somebody sent me? The one of her and that prick Targaryen? Not that I knew it was Targaryen at the time. Just some asshole holding her hand after she lied to me about where she’d gone.” He stopped speaking for a moment and looked down. “Fuck,” he whispered before looking up again. “Jesus Christ, Cat, I called her a whore. The only woman I’ve ever given a damn about for longer than fifteen minutes and I called her a whore.” Catelyn had never seen Robert Baratheon look so anguished or ashamed in her life. “I’d give anything to have the last several hours back. I swear to God I would. But I can’t. I said what I said. I was so quick to doubt her rather than ask her to explain, and I’m afraid neither one of us will be able to forget that.”

“She didn’t seem angry at you when she left here.”

Robert laughed bitterly. “You don’t remember her throwing your shoes at me, do you?”

Catelyn’s shoes had been on the floor of lounge because Ned had been rubbing her feet and ankles. _Where are you, Ned? Why aren’t you here?_ Catelyn pushed thoughts of Ned away lest she become overwhelmed with worry or anger. “No, I don’t remember,” she said. “So stop with the self-flagellation and just tell me the story from the beginning, all right?” _I could use the distraction._ “Maybe start with where you went after you stormed out on her?”

He gave another bitter laugh. “You know me well enough to answer that yourself, Cat. I went to a bar. I sat down, pointed at an almost full bottle of Blanton’s and said, ‘I’ll take that.’ The man poured me a glass and I threw two hundred dollar bills on the counter and told him to leave the damn bottle. Which he did. Funny thing, though. Before I was even halfway through it, I stopped seeing that fucking picture, and all I could see was her eyes after she told me the man in that picture was the baby’s father. I was so angry at her when I found out she’d gone to see him, that she’d fucking lied to me about going to see him! That she’d held his hands and told him all about the baby and planned a future with him and . . .”

“She didn’t do any of those last things, Robert,” Catelyn interrupted softly.

“I know,” he said, nodding slowly. “But that’s what I’d built up in my head while I stared at that picture and waited for her to come home.” He looked Catelyn in the eyes. “Look, Cat. I’m not a fool. I know Lyanna doesn’t love me the way I love her. She’s been as honest as she could possibly be through all of this, and I’ve told her it’s enough. Fuck, it is enough! It has to be because I don’t want to go through life without her. But as honest as she’s been with me, all I could see was the one damn lie she told me about meeting some girlfriend for lunch. And I told her that I guess it was all a lie, and I wouldn’t even look at those eyes because I saw how much I hurt her when I said that. And I wouldn’t even give her a chance to speak when she was almost begging me to listen. Lya doesn’t beg, Catelyn. Not for anything. But she was begging me to listen, and I just left instead. And sitting in that fucking bar, trying to drink her away, I didn’t see that goddamn picture anymore. I just kept seeing her eyes. Those beautiful grey eyes that see everything about me and yet she still thinks I’m good enough to raise her fucking kid with her. She believes in me, Cat. In a way that nobody else ever has. Well . . . Ned, maybe. But he’s not nearly as pretty.” He gave Catelyn a grin, and she laughed through the tears pooling in her eyes.

“Anyway, I had to get out of there. I had to find her and tell her I’d listen. Of course, I realized when I stood up and the world spun a bit, that almost half a bottle of bourbon is at least ten shots or so. I called an Uber and went home, but she wasn’t there. So I took another Uber to Stark Enterprise building and staggered into the Christmas party probably smelling like a brewery. I very carefully avoided old Rickard, and when I didn’t see any other Starks but the baby boy, I figured I should check the lounge. I was looking for Ned. Figured he’d know where she’d gone. I walked in and found the two of you sitting on the sofa looking like somebody had died. I said, ‘Lya, I’m sorry.’ And her eyes kind of brightened up for a minute and she said, ‘You came back.’” Robert laughed then. “Of course, that didn’t last. Those grey eyes got all stormy looking. I’ll bet you know that look. Ned can do it, too. And she picked up a shoe and threw it at me, and shouted, ‘How dare you call me a whore?’ And I tried to walk toward her, and I stumbled a bit, and she said, ‘You’re stinking drunk, aren’t you?” and threw your other shoe. That one hurt because I was closer to her and it hit me in the top of the head when I tried to duck. Thank god you weren’t wearing heels.”

Catelyn laughed which she knew was Robert’s intent. The man had spent most of life avoiding serious emotions, and she knew this conversation was difficult for him. She was honestly surprised and touched that he was being this open with her. It occurred to her that Robert might honestly need Ned right now almost as much as she did. _Where are you, Ned?_

“That’s when you pretty much shouted at us to stop behaving like children because there’d been too much childishness already today.”

“I did not.”

“You did, too. Ask Lyanna about it. Anyway, it got Lyanna to stop throwing things at me. Or maybe she just stopped throwing things because you only had two shoes. You told her to help me to the couch before I fell down, and then you fell down.”

“What?”

“You were glaring at us one second and on the floor the next. I swear I’ve never seen anyone just go out like that. And you were out. We couldn’t wake you up. You weren’t moving. Lyanna said you were breathing, but damn, you looked dead, Cat. I’ve never been so fucking scared in my life. You even seemed kind of stiff. I ran out of the room like a drunken idiot yelling for help. Lyanna, of course, dialed 911. Rickard and Ben both came charging in to see what was wrong, and Lyanna promptly sent Ben back out to wait for the ambulance crew and Rickard deal with all the people at the party. Ambulance got there quick, and Lyanna answered their questions the best she could and they hustled you out within minutes. Lya drove the two of us here in her car after promising to keep Rickard updated and avoiding his questions about where Ned and Brandon had gone. Hell, I’d been asking where they were as loudly as Rickard, but Lya shut me up. She told me all of it, including the identity of that blonde rock star prick as we drove. They wouldn’t let us in here for the longest time so she force fed me coffee and we talked a bit about what happened with us in the waiting room here. Weird conversation to have in a public place, but everybody in an ER waiting room has their own problems, I guess, so I don’t think anybody paid a bit of attention to us.”

“And everything’s good between the two of you?”

He laughed. “You scared the fuck out of us. We thought you were back here dying or losing the baby. And Lya honestly thought Brandon might murder Rhaegar Targaryen if Ned didn’t find Brandon before Brandon found the prick. So I guess we just decided that our shit wasn’t the most pressing shit at the moment. That we want to work it out, but we can just kind of . . . table it, I guess. Until all the people we love are okay. And now this heart business with Rickard. Damn, Cat. It’s been a hell of a day.”

“That’s a true statement,” she agreed. “Robert, I don’t pretend to know precisely how Lyanna feels about you. But I do know she was devastated when she thought she’d lost you today. I think the two of you can make this work.”

“I hope you’re right, Cat. I just . . . he threw her away. Her and the baby both. That hurt her so badly, and I know she’d do anything to protect that baby. She held my hand as tightly as you did, you know. At the ultrasound. Watching her watch that little boy moving around inside her . . . I’ve never seen anything like it. How the fuck could anybody just throw that away?” He laughed. “I asked her on the way home if we could maybe see about getting Mya more often after the baby’s born. After we get the whole baby care thing down, of course. I told her I want Mya to really know her little brother, you know?”

Catelyn smiled. “Little boy? Brother?”

“Oh, fuck me!” Robert exclaimed. “I wasn’t supposed to say that. Lyanna will kill me. She hadn’t decided whether or not she wanted to find out, but then the ultrasound dude grinned at her and asked if she wanted to know the baby’s sex, and you could just see that he already knew, of course. And you know Lyanna couldn’t stand the idea that somebody knew something about her own kid that she didn’t. So she said yes, and he showed us the little guy’s penis! Seriously, we sat there squealing and grinning like idiots over grainy images of miniscule male genitalia. Kind of bizarre if you think about it.”

Catelyn laughed so hard, it made her head hurt. “Robert, you’re a mess. And I love you. I promise not to say a word to anyone, so no worries about Lyanna killing you. Why the big secret anyway?”

“She didn’t want to steal your thunder. You and Ned are having the first grandbaby. She figured we’d find out what Little Pup is and then announce we’ve got a boy.”

“We’ve got a boy,” she repeated softly. “Robert, there is no excuse for some of the things you called Lyanna, but I think I understand why you reacted as strongly as you did. I don’t know if it was the baby’s ultrasound or if you’ve felt this way all along, but it isn’t just Lyanna you value now. You value that little boy. You believed she wanted to go back to the man who threw both of them away when you’re right here ready to love them . . . well, I can’t imagine how that would feel, but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t react very well to it myself.” 

Robert looked at her a long moment before replying. “You’re really something, Cat. Ned won the lottery when he got you.”

Catelyn yawned and rubbed absently at her forehead. “Well, be sure and tell him that if he ever shows up here, will you? Where’s my phone, by the way? Did anyone bring it?”

“I honestly don’t know, but I’ll call him on mine again. Does your head hurt, Cat?”

She paused the rubbing motion. “A little,” she said, realizing that her head had continued to hurt and the pain had possibly even intensified since she’d noticed it when she was laughing.

“Catelyn! I am so sorry I couldn’t get here more quickly.”

“Dr. Luwin!” Catelyn’s smile was genuine as she greeted her obstetrician. “I’m just glad you’re here now.”

He looked at Robert and then back to her. “Where’s Ned?” he asked her. 

She sighed. “That’s a bit of a long tale. He had to go deal with some family issues earlier, and we’re not certain he has his phone on. We haven’t been able to reach him. And I don’t even know where my phone is. Probably in my purse back at Stark Enterprise. I don’t think anyone threw my purse in the ambulance.”

Luwin frowned. He turned toward Robert. “Mr. Baratheon, I’d like you to keep trying to contact him if you would.”

Catelyn’s breath caught. “Is there something wrong, Dr. Luwin? The ultrasound—did you see a problem with the baby?”

“The baby looks wonderful, Catelyn. Easily over three pounds, maybe close to four. And certainly a vigorous little one.”

She smiled, but then grimaced. “Dr. Luwin, I’m afraid I’m getting a headache again. Can I have something for that or is that not good for the baby?”

Luwin frowned again and looked at Robert who had his phone to his ear.

“He’s still not answering, Doc,” Robert sighed. “I’ll try Brandon, too, and keep texting both of them.”

Dr. Luwin looked at Catelyn. “I wish your husband was here with you for this, Catelyn, but we need to talk about what’s going on with you. Your latest lab tests look a bit worse than earlier. Your creatinine is still technically normal, but it’s going up just a bit, and your platelets are falling.

Robert moved to take Catelyn’s hand. “English, Doc. Tell us exactly what’s going on.”

Catelyn was infinitely grateful for his words as she wasn’t certain she could speak. 

“Your kidneys may be acting up due to the pre-eclampsia. Kidney failure is a complication we sometimes see and one we definitely want to avoid.” He walked up to stand at the foot of the bed. “May I see your feet, Catelyn?”

“Of course,” she said quickly. He took one of her swollen feet into his hands and pressed hard against the ankle, leaving an imprint which did not immediately resolve when he removed his fingers. “Pitting edema,” he said. “That’s the medical term for this kind of swelling. It can be a sign of things like heart failure or kidney failure. Now, your heart appears to be working just fine, but the protein in your urine and the pitting edema tell us your kidneys are struggling a bit. And that creatinine number starting to rise may be telling us the same thing.”

“So how do you fix it?” Robert said bluntly.

“By delivering the baby,” Dr. Luwin said simply. “Ending the pregnancy is the treatment for pre-eclampsia.”

“No,” Catelyn said firmly. “The baby’s too small. Three pounds? That’s insane. He’s not due for another eight weeks! It’s too early.”

“It’s early, yes, but the neonatologists are very good at caring for babies at this gestational age. If it were possible, I’d prefer to wait another few days—give the baby’s lungs just a bit more time to mature, give the steroids a chance to speed that along—but I’m afraid we may not have that time.”

“I won’t let you deliver the baby now, Dr. Luwin. It’s out of the question. It’s too soon.”

The doctor sighed. “The kidneys aren’t our only problem here, Catelyn. Your platelets are falling. If they get too low, you could bleed out during surgery. I intend to have platelets on hold for you in any event, just in case. But I’d prefer to get you and the little one safely through before you actually need them.”

“Surgery?” Catelyn croaked out the word. “You mean a C-section?”

“I fear we don’t have time for an induction, Catelyn. Tell me about your headache. Dr. Martin says you had one earlier today, before your loss of consciousness.”

“Yes. I’d had a headache most of today. Until I woke up here. My head didn’t hurt when I woke up, but it does now. Not nearly as bad as earlier.”

“Were you feeling light headed or dizzy before you lost consciousness?”

“I honestly don’t know. I don’t remember anything about it. I don’t remember what happened before it either. Robert was telling me about it, and I have no memory of anything he told me.”

“You were there?” he asked Robert.

“Me and Lyanna both,” Robert said. “I was there for maybe ten fifteen minutes tops before she went down, and she doesn’t remember me being there. She says the last thing she remembers is Ned leaving, and I’m honestly not certain how long that was before I got there. Lyanna would know. She was there the whole time. I can call her if you need me to.”  
“Where is Lyanna?” Dr. Luwin asked.

“Oh! I guess you don’t know!” Catelyn exclaimed. “Of course, why would you know?” She realized she was babbling, but she was terrified out of her mind that Dr. Luwin was going to take her baby from her too early and she needed her husband and her head hurt.

“Rickard Stark has apparently had a heart attack,” Roberts told him, coming to her rescue once more. Lyanna’s brother called her here and she rushed to see him.”

“Oh dear God, I’m so sorry to hear that!” Dr. Luwin exclaimed. “Has he been stabilized?”

“We don’t know anything yet,” Robert said. “Lyanna hasn’t been gone that long and I’ve been waiting for her to call us.”

“Oh dear. I am very sorry that you are going through all of this at once, Catelyn. I truly am. Robert,” he said, turning toward him. “What was Catelyn doing before her faint? Did she appear dizzy or confused?”

“No,” Robert said. “She was actually telling off Lyanna and me. Which was entirely justified,” he added hurriedly. “She told us to sit down and then she just dropped. She didn’t sway or reach out or anything. She just went down and didn’t move. She just . . . lay there all stiff and still.”

“Stiff? Did you notice any shaking or tremors?” 

Robert shook his head. “Not that I can remember. We just couldn’t get her to wake up, and it was awful.”

“How long was she out?”

“I don’t know. She was still out when they loaded her up and took her out. God, it seemed like forever, but it probably wasn’t more than ten minutes before the paramedics got there and they spent maybe another ten minutes getting her loaded up and gone. So she was out maybe twenty minutes total before they took her away in the ambulance? I think they said she was coming around when they brought her in here, but then some of the stuff they gave her knocked her back out. She’s been pretty with it since she finally woke up with Lya and me here while ago.”

“I felt strange before all of that happened,” Catelyn remembered. “Before Ned and Brandon left. There was . . . a lot going on, and I stood up to say something to Lyanna. And I didn’t feel dizzy or unsteady really. But I felt odd. Like my brain couldn’t think and my tongue wouldn’t work right. But I must not have been slurring my word or anything because someone would have said something.”

“Catelyn,” Dr. Luwin said. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but we need to deliver that baby now.”

“No!”

“Listen to me. I’m concerned that you may develop or possibly have already developed eclampsia.”

“I thought you said she had pre-eclampsia,” Robert interjected.

“Eclampsia is when pre-eclampsia progresses to seizures and can be very dangerous to both mother and child. Severe headaches can be a warning sign for it, and as for your fainting spell . . . well, it isn’t a classic seizure, but not all seizures are classic, and you certainly seem to have had some neurologic symptoms.”

She could feel the tears running down her face. “Can we wait until Ned gets here?” she asked.

“Cat, we don’t know where he is or even when he’s going to find out you’re here,” Robert said softly.

“But . . .”

“Catelyn, I know you’re worried about the baby being too small and early, but it does appear very healthy right now, and we are well equipped here to care for preemies. If your condition deteriorates, the baby’s will, too. I am telling you that delivery by Caesarean section now is the safest option for both of you.” Dr. Luwin looked her directly in the eyes as he spoke and waited for her response.

She nodded. “Will I be awake?”

“That is my intention, Catelyn. As long as your condition is stable, we’ll do this with epidural anesthesia.” 

“Can Robert come with me?”

“What?” Robert exclaimed at the same time Dr. Luwin said, “Certainly. As long as you’re conscious for the delivery.”

Catelyn turned toward Robert and said, “Lyanna told you not to leave me alone. Don’t you dare let her down, Baratheon.”

“I wouldn’t dream of letting either of my favorite ladies down.”

“I’m going to get us an OR. I’ll send someone to help you get into scrubs, Robert. Catelyn, we’re going to get your little one here safe and sound.”

Things moved quickly after that. Robert was pulled out of the room to change clothes. An anesthetist came in to do her epidural anesthesia as well as give her something to help her relax which she thought was the most ridiculous thing she’d ever heard. She was terrified for her baby’s life. Terrified that she might not live to take care of her baby. Terrified that Ned might arrive only to learn he’d lost his wife or child or both. And furious that he wasn’t there already.

Robert reappeared looking an extra on Grey’s Anatomy, and she had to laugh at him, thinking that her laughter sounded hysterical. Robert must have thought so, too, because he quickly came to the bed and took her hand. “Hey. You and Little Pup are gonna do great. I promise, Cat. This is all gonna be okay.”

“You can’t promise that, Robert. Even Dr. Luwin can’t promise it. We can only hope and pray.”

“Okay, maybe I can’t promise you anything, but I can believe. And Cat I believe in you. I believe in you and Ned together, and I believe you’re destined to have the greatest little family in the whole world. You two are the reason I didn’t give up on happily ever after as a load of horseshit a long time ago.”

“I’m so fucking mad at him right now, Robert,” she said as her voice broke and the tears started again.

“I know you are. I’m mad at him, too. I wouldn’t be in this ridiculous outfit if he’d just answer his damn phone. When he gets here, I’ll beat him up for you if you’d like, but I promise not to damage him permanently because you’re gonna stop being mad at him eventually.” He grinned at her. “And I’m totally telling him he pissed you off enough to make you drop an F bomb.”

She laughed at him and then grabbed her head. “Ow. I kinda wish I was numb above the waist, too. My head is killing me now.”

“You want me to get the nurse?”

She shook her head and immediately regretted the movement. “The nurse said they’re pretty much ready for us. They’ll be here any minute to wheel me out of this ER cubicle.”

“It is tiny isn’t it?” Robert was saying, but Catelyn didn’t really hear him because the tv in the corner caught her attention. It had been on since she’d awakened, but muted, and she’d not given it a glance, but now she couldn’t look away.

“Ned!” she cried, pointing to the screen.

“Cat? What’s wrong?” Robert asked, sounding alarmed. 

“Look!” she shouted at him. On the television screen were photos of three men—a stock photo of Aerys Targaryen, a picture of Brandon in a tux that could be from any number of events, and a smiling image of Ned that she immediately recognized was cropped from their official engagement picture. 

“What the . . .” Robert practically leapt for the remote to find the volume control.

“The circumstances surrounding the shooting are still unclear, Anna,” a reporter standing outside what appeared to be MedStar Washington Hospital was saying, “but Aerys Targaryen has been taken into custody. It does appear this will be a homicide case, however, as sources inside the hospital are reporting Stark did not survive.”

“No!!” Catelyn shouted. “Ned! Oh my god! Please! Ned!” She wasn’t certain if she was screaming or crying, but she desperately wanted to climb out of her bed and into the television where she could shake that man and tell him to stop telling horrible lies. Her legs wouldn’t move, though. “Robert, get me out of here! I have to find him!”

Robert was holding onto her and shouting for help. She didn’t need help. Ned needed help. Somebody hurt Ned. _Oh god! Not Ned! Please not Ned!_

“It’s all right, Mrs. Stark. You just need to calm down.” The woman’s soothing voice made her want to scream louder, but she was suddenly very tired. “That’s right. Just close your eyes. You’re all right.” She forced her eyes open to look at the woman and realized she was putting something into the IV drip. _No,_ she thought vaguely. _I’m supposed to be awake._

“Dr. Luwin said I could be awake,” she said. She saw Ned standing beside her. “Ned, you’re here. Thank God you’re here. Tell them I want to be awake. And you get to come with me.”

“I’ll tell them, Cat. You’re not going anywhere without me.” 

Ned’s voice sounded like Robert’s which struck her as funny, but Catelyn was too tired to laugh.  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Her throat hurt. And she was thirsty. Her body felt wrong in some way she couldn’t quite put a finger on. Her eyes fluttered open and she found herself staring up at a white ceiling. She turned her head to the side and was met with sight of Robert Baratheon dozing on a chair. Everything came back to her, and she reached out for him. “My baby,” she rasped, her voice hoarse. “Where’s my baby?”

Robert startled awake. “He’s fine, Cat. He’s beautiful. He’s three pounds thirteen ounces of perfection. I promise you he’s all right.”

His words removed a vise grip around her heart. “He,” she said softly.

“Yes ma’am. You have a son. Congratulations. He’s only got about five hairs on his head at the moment, but they’re all the color of yours.”

“You’ve seen him?”

“As soon as he was born. They wouldn’t let me in the OR, Cat, because they had to put you under general anesthesia. But I was right outside, and when they brought him out in this little clear box thing on wheels, they stopped just long enough for me to put my hand through a little round opening in the side and touch him. He’s amazing.”

“Can he . . . can he breathe?” she asked him. 

“Yep. They’ve got him on something called CPAP right now. It helps him keep his lungs open or something like that. But it doesn’t breathe for him. He does that all on his own. He gets a little extra oxygen in his air, too, just to keep him happy. Everybody says he’s a star patient.”

“I wanna see him.”

“You will, Cat. I promise.”

He hadn’t mentioned Ned. She wished she didn’t remember the television, but she did. And Robert hadn’t even said her husband’s name. She was afraid to ask the question, but she couldn’t stand not knowing.

“Is he dead?”

“What? No, Cat. I promise you Little Pup is alive and well. I wouldn’t lie to you about that. Not ever.”

She felt the tears pooling in her eyes. “Ned,” she choked out. “Is Ned . . .”

“Oh my god. No. No, Cat. He’s here. He’s been here all fucking night holding your hand.”

“The tv. They said . . . he didn’t survive. They said . . .”

Robert held her hand tightly and looked much too distraught to be telling her everything was fine. “Ned is here, Catelyn. He’s only left your side to go to the nursery and see your son. That’s where he is now.”

“But the television said . . .”

Robert closed his eyes tightly and then looked directly at her eyes. “They weren’t talking about Ned, Cat. Aerys Targaryen shot and killed Brandon last night.”

_Brandon. Brandon is the one who didn’t survive. Ned is alive. Ned is alive._ For one brief moment, the only emotion she felt was an overwhelming sense of relief. Her husband was alive. She hadn’t lost him. That was immediately followed by guilt and a deep grief for the man she’d once loved and had never been able to hate even when she’d tried to. She felt a tear slide down her cheek, and Robert reached out to wipe it away.

“I’m sorry, Cat. I’m so sorry.”

“I am, too,” she said. “For so many things.” Her voice broke and she began to cry in earnest. “God, Brandon! Why couldn’t you ever leave well enough alone?” 

Robert just held her hand until she stopped crying. “How is he?” she asked, knowing Robert would understand her question.

“Grateful you’re alive. Grateful his son is alive. Devastated that his brother isn’t. And guilt’s eating him alive for not being here with you soon enough and for resenting his dead brother a bit for keeping him away from you.”

“You know him well, don’t you?” She shook her head. “I’m still mad at him for not being here, too. How shitty is that? And as mad as I am at Ned, I’m mad at Brandon, too. And I’m so tired of being mad at Brandon. And I’m so sad that I’ll never see him again and so mad that I feel so sad when my son was just born. But god, Robert, I am so damn glad that it isn’t Ned who’s gone. And that seems so heartless, but I thought Little Pup was never going to know his father, and . . .” She stopped speaking and bit her lip. “I need Ned, Robert. Please?”

He nodded. “I’ll get him.” He rose from his chair before speaking again. “Cat? The way you feel doesn’t mean you’re fucked up, you know. Same for Ned. You’re just human, both of you. And humanity is all kinds of messy. Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t have perfect feelings.”

“Robert Baratheon, philosopher and counselor. Who would have guessed?”

He smiled at her. “Are you making fun of me, Catelyn Stark?”

“No,” she said in all seriousness. “I don’t think I could have done this without you. Don’t you beat yourself up, either. You’re a good man, Robert Baratheon. And you give pretty good advice. Don’t forget to take it yourself.”

He smiled at her. “I’ll get your husband for you, my lady.” He bowed to her and headed toward the door.

“Shouldn’t you be with your own lady?” Catelyn replied, and then she put her hand to mouth. “Oh my god. I’d forgotten about Rickard? How is he, Robert?”

“Not good, I’m afraid. He’s on life support, and the doctors don’t really think he’ll come off it. Lyanna and Benjen are with him.”

Catelyn felt the tears welling up in her eyes again. Rickard had been so excited about Little Pup. It was too cruel to think he might never see him. “You should be with Lyanna. She needs you, Robert.”

“I wasn’t allowed to leave until you were awake.” She just looked at him, awaiting an explanation for that statement. “She brought Ned here last night. He needed to see his son, Cat. But he wouldn’t leave you at all. Finally, Lya coaxed him into the nursery by promising him I wouldn’t move from his side. When she left to go back to her father’s bedside, she ordered Ned to keep visiting Little Pup and promised him that I would sit with you every time he did so that you wouldn’t wake up alone.” He shrugged. “He still acts like it’s physically painful every time he leaves this room, but I’d bet a million dollars that leaving the nursery is almost as hard for him, poor bastard. His heart’s in two pieces now.”

“His heart’s in a lot of pieces now,” she said softly. “And too many of them are broken. Bring him to me, Robert, and then go put your arms around Lyanna.” She blew him a kiss and then managed a small smile as he held up his hand to catch it. 

After he left, it occurred to her she had no idea what time it was. He’d said Ned had been here all night, and it looked very bright outside which meant it was likely near midday as it was the calendar was approaching the shortest day of the year.

“Catelyn!” 

She looked up at the breathless exclamation and saw her husband standing in the doorway looking at her as if he hadn’t seen her in a year and might never see her again. The sight of him there released the other vise grip around her heart and she took the easiest breath she’d taken since before he had left her in the family lounge at the Stark Enterprise building the previous day. 

“I’m all right, Ned. Now that you’re here, I’m all right.” She reached out for him with her arms and he came to her, pulling her into his own arms and pressing his face against her neck.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered against her skin. “God, Cat, I am so, so sorry. I should have been here. I will never forgive myself.”

“Ned,” she said. “You have to forgive yourself. And I have to forgive you. I can’t even begin to imagine what you went through last night, but I’m still angry that you weren’t here with me anyway. And that’s not fair.”

He raised his head up to look at her face. “You have every right to be furious with me,” he said solemnly.

“No, I don’t, my love. I know damn well you’d have moved heaven and earth to be here if you knew what was happening. Your brother was murdered last night, Ned. Checking your phone wasn’t exactly a priority for you. Our baby wasn’t due for two months, and you left me safe and sound with your entire family. You had no reason to be worried about me.” She smiled at him. “And yet I’m mad at you. I’m mad because, as a wise man recently told me, being human is all kinds of messy and we don’t have perfect feelings.”

He shook his head. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

She laughed and kissed his face. “That I love you. That you love me. And nothing’s ever going stop that. Not my irrational anger or your irrational guilt or any of the rest of our imperfect messy human feelings. So let’s try not to beat each other or ourselves up too much and spend our energy loving each other instead.”

“It’s that simple, is it?” he asked.

“Probably not. But I believe in us.”

“Oh, my love. So do I.” He pulled her against him once more. “I don’t believe in much of anything right now, but I do believe in us. It’s the only thing that’s kept me going since Lyanna burst into that lounge crying that Robert had left her yesterday.”

“Robert isn’t going anywhere,” she said confidently. “He’s all in, Ned.” 

“So am I. I will never leave you, Catelyn. I hope you know that.”

“I’ve known that for a long time.”

“Brandon wanted me to tell you something.”

“He what?” She hadn’t expected him to say that.

“He knew he was dying. And he wouldn’t let them put him in the fucking ambulance until I listened to everything he had to say.”

“Oh Ned. I’m so sorry.”

“He called you Red, of course.”

She made sound that wasn’t exactly a laugh or a sob.

“And he told me to tell you that he never loved you as well as I do, but he loved you as well as he could. And that everything bad was his fault and never yours. And he’s sorry.”

Tears flowed freely now, and she just shook her head.

“And he told me to have a great life. You and me. And the baby and all these other babies he’s convinced we’ll have.” Ned let out one of those half laugh/half sobs then. “And he told me he loves me, but he hopes all our kids look like you.”

She laughed through her tears and then cried in earnest in her husband’s arms for the man they’d both loved, who’d loved both of them in his reckless way, and who’d died far too young leaving them both angry at him even in their grief at his recklessness even with his own life.

“Your father, Ned,” Catelyn said. “Have you gotten to see him?”

“My father is dead, Cat,” he said in a hollow voice.

“What? Robert says he’s on life support.”

“He is,” Ned sighed. “But that doesn’t mean he’s alive.”

“But Ben told Lyanna that Jory started CPR right away. That can help protect the brain, Ned. People can recover.”

“Jory did everything he possibly could. There was just too much damage—a giant clot that completely blocked a major artery. He has very little functioning heart muscle left. His heart isn’t really pumping much blood at all and even on the ventilator, his oxygen levels are too low. Even if we keep him on the vent, his damaged heart won’t last much longer. Lyanna and I have already said our goodbyes.”

“Ben,” Catelyn said softly. “Benjen isn’t ready, is he?”

Ned shook his head. “I don’t know that waiting will make it easier, but Lyanna said we should give him today. As I said, there’s a real possibility that his heart will stop very soon without our doing anything, but the doctors said it might not. And I’ll not keep him like this much longer. I can’t.” His jaw was set firmly in an identical manner to Rickard Stark’s and Catelyn’s heart ached to see it.

“He blames Brandon,” Ned said after a moment.

“Brandon?” Catelyn asked, not understanding.

“He should blame me.” 

“Ned that’s completely ridiculous.”

“It isn’t.” He took a deep breath. “I knew my brother would be dead by the time he reached the hospital. The idiot wasted time he didn’t have giving me messages and confessions and . . . they told me it wouldn’t have made a difference if he’d gotten there earlier, that his wounds were fatal, but I still wish he’d given himself more time, more of a chance.”

“Ned, none of this is your doing.”

“I looked at him there on that slab, and I couldn’t . . . I couldn’t make it real. He was so cold and still, and Brandon was never fucking still. Not even in his damn sleep.” 

_I know,_ Catelyn thought, but she wouldn’t speak that aloud. She didn’t think a reminder that she’d slept many nights beside Brandon herself wouldn’t be helpful to Ned right now. 

“I never wanted him dead!” Ned nearly shouted.

“No one thinks you did!”

“He did,” Ned said softly. “The paramedics wanted him to lose consciousness so they could put him the damn ambulance but the stubborn idiot kept himself awake just so he could talk to me. So he could tell me that he didn’t deserve my forgiveness, but that he hoped I’d forgive him some day.” He shook his head. “God, Cat, I’ve been so angry at him for so long. And I know I had reason. The way he treated you! Treated us! I . . . I couldn’t just allow him to keep doing that!” He stopped speaking, his jaw hard again for a moment. “But what kind of man allows his own brother to think he truly hates him? I don’t want to be that kind of man. I look at our son in that nursery, Cat, and he is so perfect and precious. I want to teach him to be good and be honest as he grows up, but I don’t want him to believe that there’s no forgiveness or warmth to be had from his own father when he inevitably falls short of perfection.”

“Ned! If Brandon couldn’t see your warmth and forgiveness, he wasn’t looking closely enough. Or more likely, he was just too used to taking it for granted to even appreciate it when it was always right in front of him. Don’t let Brandon determine how you see yourself. You can love him and miss him as much as you want, but don’t give him that kind of power. You don’t owe him that. You don’t owe anyone that.”

He nodded. “I know you’re right, my love.” He smiled at her. “You usually are. But knowing it and feeling it are two different things. What’s that you said before? Something about messy human feelings? Maybe you were onto something there. In any event, I couldn’t process anything I felt while I stood there looking at him on that slab. Nothing felt real. And I couldn’t talk to any of you because I’d have to tell you Brandon was dead. And that would make it more real than I was ready for it to be. So I got in my car, and I drove. I drove for hours and thought about my brother. And thought about a world without my brother in it. I don’t even know what time it was when I finally realized I’d stayed out unforgivably late. I pulled my phone out of the glove box and turned it on and it started ringing before I could even look at anything. It was Benjen, telling me that Dad was going to die and he’d been trying to find me all night, and I had to come right away. So I put my phone away again and drove until I reached my father. The doctors told me he was essentially gone, and I looked at him, lying in that bed with his chest rising and falling with the rhythm of that machine, but otherwise looking every bit as dead as Brandon on his slab.”

“Oh, Ned. I wish I could have been with you.”

“Ben told me what happened. Dad got a call from MedStar about making arrangements for Brandon’s body. They just assumed he already knew about his death because they knew I’d been there. He had the heart attack about five minutes after the call ended. He barely got to tell Ben his brother was dead before he grabbed his chest and fell over.”

“Oh my god. Ned, that’s awful, but it isn’t your fault.”

“Isn’t it? What if I’d just gone back to Stark right away and sat my father down and held his hand while I told him his firstborn was dead? Do you think it would have made a difference? I think it might have.”

“Stop it, Ned. Stop it, stop it. You were in mourning. You were in shock. You were in no position to take care of your father. And I know Rickard watched me carted out of Stark Enterprise looking like dead woman yesterday! Maybe worry for his grandson weakened his heart! You aren’t responsible for everything that happens to everybody!”

“I am responsible for my own actions, Catelyn. And my actions let everyone I Iove down last night. Everyone. And no one more than you. You already said you’re angry with me. I’m just telling you how right you are to be. My God! I didn’t even look to see if anything else was on my phone when I got that call from Benjen. I just drove straight to my father’s bedside and never gave the phone another damn thought. I’d been there with them maybe a half hour when Lyanna asked me how you were doing and apologized for not asking sooner. After about five minutes of playing ‘what kind of questions are these?’ she realized I hadn’t been with you at all. I’d never looked at any messages and I had no fucking idea you were fighting for your life. What decent man has such little regard for his own wife? How can you stand to look at me?”

Catelyn shook her head. “Robert said you were letting guilt eat you alive. I don’t think he realized just how right he is.” She looked at the face she loved above all others wondering how his tearless grey eyes could look so inexpressibly sad, and a thought struck her. “Lie down here with me.”

“What?”

“Lie down in this stupidly small bed with me and just let me hold you.” 

“Cat . . . I don’t”

“You won’t hurt me. In fact, I’ll be far more hurt if you don’t want me to hold you.”

“I’ll always want you to hold me.”

“Then come here.” She lay down and scooted to one side of the narrow bed.

He sighed, but then lay down beside her. She gently pulled his head to rest on her chest and put her arms around him. “Have you cried for them yet, Ned? Your father and brother?” she asked gently. She already knew the answer. His eyes were dry even as his voice would catch when he spoke. He’d walled himself off, and she couldn’t let that stand. 

“I don’t cry, Cat. It’s not that I’m not sad. I just . . . I don’t remember the last time I really broke down crying. It's as if my grief freezes rather than flows.”

“You didn’t cry when you saw our son?”

“I don’t deserve to shed any tears of joy for my son after the way I abandoned him and his mother.”

She held him more tightly, willing him to let her through. “Tears aren’t a matter of deserving, Ned. And you didn’t abandon anyone. Last night was . . . tragic on all fronts and none of us could possibly be rational through it. So stop it with this abandonment talk now. Talk to me about our son instead. I have a feeling I’m going bawl when I finally get to see him. I had to have Robert Baratheon describe him to me.” She shook her head. “He did a better job than I expected him to, honestly.”

“He looks like you,” Ned said softly, after several beats of silence. “He definitely has your hair. Only little wisps of it now, but it’s yours, and it’s beautiful. He doesn’t open his eye very often just yet, but when he does, they are precisely your color. It’s hard to say what shape his face will take. Babies all have a certain roundness to their faces, but his eyes are shaped like yours, and his nose. I think he’s got my fingers, though. They’re more uniformly sort of thick all the way to the tips instead of tapered like yours.” He looked up at her. “Are you crying, Cat?” 

“Yes,” she said. “Because I just saw our son for the first time. Through your eyes. Oh, my love. You’ve seen him one time, and you can paint a picture of him for me just in your words. You look at the people you love so closely, Ned. You see us, and that is such a gift. For us and for you. Close your eyes.” She put her hand gently over his eyes as his head lay on her chest. “Now, call up Brandon’s face and your father’s. Not on a slab or ventilator, but at Winterfell laughing at something you’ve said. Or arguing about business deal. Your dad giving lectures to Lyanna that she never listened to or Brandon teasing Benjen beyond all reason.” She paused. “Brandon swearing to everyone who’ll listen that he’s never lost a snowball fight in his life when we all know differently.” Ned made a sound that started as a laugh, but definitely ended in more of a choked off sob. “Your dad’s face when we told him about Little Pup.” The choked sound Ned made then almost broke her heart.”

“Jesus, Cat. He’s never going to see our son. How is that fucking fair? How can that even be? How in the hell can Dad not be here? How can Brandon not be here? I can’t . . . I can’t . . . I don’t them to be gone.” His voice broke.

“I know, my love. I know. Cry for them, Ned. Let all of it out. You aren’t cold, my darling. Or unforgiving. You love so much that sometimes it hurts, and you try to wall it all off, but you can’t keep doing this. Not with something that hurts this much.”

“God it hurts,” he choked out. “I don’t know if he can stand it, Cat. I honestly feel like I’m being crushed. And that’s not fair. I have you. We have our son. I should celebrate that. Our son deserves it.”

“He’s not even a full day old, Ned. You can’t hurt his feelings yet. And we will celebrate him. But it’s okay to grieve for those we’ve lost first. It’s more than okay. It’s good.” She tightened her arms around him. “I love you, Ned Stark. Your father and brother loved you, too, and you’re going to miss them something awful. And when you do, come let me put my arms around you and just know that you are loved through all your joy and all your sorrow.” She raised her head up to press a kiss to the top of his head. Then she just lay back and held him there with her.

He didn’t say anything, but after a moment she felt his shoulders begin shaking, and her own tears fell once more as her husband lay crying in her arms. She’d seen Ned wipe tears from his eyes on rare occasions, but she’d never seen him cry like this and she held him safe in her arms until his body stilled. 

“I got snot all over your hospital gown,” he said after a bit.

“I don’t give a damn. I don’t do the laundry here.”

He laughed. “I love you.”

“I’m glad. I love you, too.”

He pushed himself up to a sitting position and wiped his nose on his sleeve like a six year old child which made her smile. “So what do we do now?” he asked.

“You take me to see our son.”

“I don’t think you’re allowed out of bed yet, Cat.”

“I don’t seen any locks on this room, do you? 

“Cat . . .”

“There’s a perfectly good wheelchair over in that corner, so obviously they expect me to go to the NICU at some point.”

“Catelyn, I really don’t think . . .”

“Ned! You’ve seen our son. Robert’s seen our son. Any number of hospital workers have seen our son. I wasn’t even awake for his birth. It doesn’t feel like he’s real now. I can’t feel him moving in my belly any more, but I can’t see him or touch him anywhere else either. It’s like he’s just gone. Even though I know he’s there in the NICU, it feels like he’s gone from me. Please, Ned. I need our son.”

He looked at her for a long moment and sighed. “Don’t you stand up. I’ll bring the chair over here and lift you into it.” 

“I love you!”

Ned pushed her down a long hall to an elevator, and it made her sad to think she and her baby weren’t even on the same floor which was a silly thing, she knew, but it upset her all the same. When the finally reached the NICU, Ned pushed a buzzer. “Can I help you?” came a voice.

“Eddard and Catelyn Stark to see our baby.”

“Oh! Come in, Mr. Stark!”

The door in front of them now opened automatically.

“We scrub up in here,” Ned told her, reaching for a little packet and opening it to reveal scrub brush/sponge combo. 

“Did you get lessons in this?” she asked him as she copied his handwashing technique.

“Yep. They take cleanliness very seriously here.”

Once they were sufficiently germ-free, Ned hit a plate on the wall with his elbow which opened the next door. They were met by a nurse who greeted them with a smile, but looked at Catelyn in surprise. 

“Are you already cleared to be up and about, Mrs. Stark?”

“Yes,” she said, flashing her best smile back at the woman. “Apparently, I’m doing much better than anyone expected at this point.”

“Only in the chair,” Ned said sternly. “If anyone sees her attempting to stand, report her immediately.”

“Killjoy,” Catelyn muttered.

The nurse laughed. “Go on back to his isolette. You know the way, Mr. Stark.” She grinned. “I think Baby Boy Stark might have surprise for you.”

“Baby Boy Stark?” she asked Ned as he wheeled her away from the entry.

“Well, we haven’t named him yet. And I wasn’t going to tell them to call him Little Pup.”

Catelyn laughed. “I’m surprised Robert didn’t tell them to call him that first thing.” She grinned up at him. “I was very impressed with your performance back there, by the way. I didn’t think you had such flair for subterfuge.”

“It wasn’t subterfuge. I don’t trust you for one minute to stay in this chair if I turn my back. Now I’ll have all the nurses helping me keep you seated.”

“You really are a killjoy.”

“Mandy,” Ned called out. “I’d like you to meet my wife, Catelyn. Cat, this is Mandy. She’s our son’s nurse this shift.”

“Oh! You picked a wonderful time for your first visit, Mrs. Stark. We just got him off the CPAP about thirty minutes ago, and he’s doing brilliantly. His lungs are remarkably healthy for a baby not quite 32 weeks, especially since you didn’t get the steroids soon enough for them to have made a big difference.”

Catelyn just wanted the woman to move out of the way. She was finally close to her son, and Mandy stood there blocking her view and babbling as if she’d come here to hear a medical lecture. The woman did move aside then, and Ned wheeled her right up to the glass case.

There he was, naked except for a diaper that seemed too small to be real. Tiny and perfect. He did have little wisps of auburn hair. He was lying on his back. There was a small flexible plastic tube secured to his little cheeks with some sort of adhesive that had impossibly tiny prongs extending from it into his little nostrils. 

“Oxygen?” she asked.

Mandy nodded. “He’s on 30% at the moment. We’re breathing 21% oxygen out here for comparison.”

“Does it bother him? I know those prongs are tiny, but so is his little nose.” 

“You should have seen the CPAP contraction,” Ned told her. “This honestly looks much more comfortable.”

“It is,” Mandy assured her. 

Catelyn was counting the tiny fingers and toes when she noted the purplish discoloration on his heels. “He’s bruised!” she cried out in dismay.

“Lab sticks,” Ned said. “Unfortunately, they have to check his blood at times, and for some of that, they stick his heel. Other things, they have to stick his vein.”

Catelyn didn’t like to think about her tiny, fragile son being stuck. “What’s that sticking out of his mouth?” she asked as she noticed another tube. 

“Feeding tube,” Mandy explained. “Babies this young usually don’t want to nipple right away so we give them what they need right into their tummies through the tube.”

Catelyn smiled sadly. “I’m glad he’s getting nourished. I was hoping to breastfeed, but I guess that won’t be possible.”

“Oh! It might be! These babies don’t effectively nurse while they’re this small, but some learn once their bigger, especially if mom’s really keep working with them. And you can pump now to get your milk supply to come in, and we can feed him what you pump through his tube or in a bottle once he starts taking the nipple.”

“I definitely want to do that,” Catelyn said, heartened that there might be something she could provide for her son that the nurses couldn’t.

“Can I touch him?” she asked hesitantly, hating that she had to ask permission to touch her own child. She’d imagined welcoming her baby so differently. _He’s healthy. I’m still here. Count your blessings, Catelyn Stark._

“Of course. Babies need touch. Just try not to over stimulate him. Mr. Stark can show you. He’s great with him. A real natural. If you don’t have any more questions, I’ll leave you to enjoy your visit.”

Catelyn pouted up at her husband. “Am I awful that I don’t like the fact I have to ‘visit’ my son?”

“No. I don’t like it much either. But then I remind myself that because this place exists, I still have both of you, and that helps.” He swallowed. “I don’t like thinking about how close I came to losing both of you. I can’t . . .” He stopped speaking and simply stared at the little boy in the clear case which Catelyn now realized was some sort of plastic rather than glass. 

She put her hand on Ned’s arm. “You didn’t lose us. You aren’t going to lose us. We’re all here together.” She smiled at him. “Now how do I break into this box and touch my son?”

Ned laughed. “It’s called an isolette. It’s heated in there because he’s not good at keeping his temperature up yet. His body thinks you should still be doing that for him for another two months.”

“I should,” she said sadly, feeling as though she’d managed to fail as a mother before her son was even born.

“Stop that, Catelyn Tully Stark. You're thinking so loudly I can actually hear you criticizing yourself. You’ve done nothing but survive a dangerous medical condition and safely bring our son into the world in spite of the danger.”

She smiled at him. He opened a little round door on the side of the isolette and took her hand. “Reach right through here, my love.”

And then she was touching him. Cupping his sweet little head in her palm and feeling that soft, wispy hair. Holding his tiny hand between her thumb and fingers. Everything about him amazed her, and she cried just as she’d said she would.

“I think he has Edmure’s nose,” she said when she could speak again.

“He has your nose,” Ned insisted. “Edmure also happens to have your nose.” 

She laughed. The baby suddenly kicked hard with his little feet, and she laughed again. “I recognize that move. You are most definitely my Little Pup. Those feet felt much bigger inside me, though.”

Ned chuckled. “So shall we settle on an actual name for him or just put Little Pup on his birth certificate?”

“His name is Robert Rickard Stark,” she said, looking first at her son and then at her husband.

“Rickard,” Ned whispered. “I think Dad would have liked that for his middle name.”

“I think he does like it,” Catelyn said, squeezing his hand. “And Robert? What do you think of that? We can call him Robb. I’ve always thought Robert sounds too formal for everyday use.”

“I like Robb a lot. I don’t recall Robert being on any of our lists, though,” he said, smiling at her.

“It wasn’t. If you’d have told me I’d be naming our son for Robert Baratheon even twenty-four hours ago, I’d have laughed at you.” She took a deep breath. “But Ned, I don’t know if Little Pup and I would have made it without him. I really don’t. Do you know he was going to come in the delivery room with me if I’d only managed not to lose my mind over seeing you on the newscast which made Dr. Luwin put me under general anesthesia?”

“Yes, I know. That’s not why they had to put you under general, though, Cat. Apparently, you bled more than you should have when they placed your epidural, and they checked your platelets again after they sedated you. They were still going down and between that and your headache, Dr. Luwin wanted to take no chances. He simply wanted the baby out as quickly as possible.”

“Would you have been upset? If Robert had watched our son’s birth with me in your place?”

“Honestly? I’d have been terribly jealous. But I’d also have been eternally grateful that he was here for you when I wasn’t. I am grateful to him. More than I can say.”

“I don’t want you to view our son’s name as some sort of reproach, Ned. I just think that one day, little Robb might ask about why his birthday seems like a happy day and a sad day sometimes, and I’d like him to know how much he was loved before he was ever born, not only by the two of us, but by so many people and especially his Uncle Robert who did his very best to protect Mommy and him until Daddy could come and protect them forever.”

“You’re already calling him little Robb,” Ned laughed.

“Well I like the name. Unless you’d rather we call him something else.”

“Catelyn, Robert has been my best friend as long as I can remember. He’s a stubborn ass who talks too much and drinks too much and has too frequently been his own worst enemy. But his heart is even bigger than his appetites, he thinks more deeply about things than most people ever suspect, and there is no one else alive I would trust with my family anywhere near as much as I do him. Especially now. Just remember, you’ll never hear the end of this once he learns Robb’s name. If you’re prepared to watch the man puff out his chest with pride and brag about his namesake insufferably, then Robert Rickard Stark it is.”

“Robert Rickard Stark it is!” Catelyn laughed.

“Mrs. Stark!” came a stern voice, and Catelyn looked to see the nurse from reception approaching them followed by a very unhappy looking Dr. Luwin.

“Busted,” Ned said out of the side of his mouth.

“Mrs. Stark, it appears you’ve lied to us,” the nurse said angrily, standing almost right above Catelyn’s wheel chair and speaking down at her. “That is a very serious infraction, and I could have you banned from this nursery for it.”

Before Catelyn could respond, Ned stepped in front of her, forcing the nurse to take a step back. “Really? GWH is in the business of separating mothers from their own children simply for longing to see their children? I’m certain the papers would be interested in that story. And don’t you ever speak to my wife like she’s a criminal or a naughty child again. She may have been foolish in choosing to endanger her own health and I likely have been more foolish in assisting her, but neither of us has endangered our son or any other baby in this nursery by coming here today so I suggest you show a little compassion to the families you’re theoretically here to serve.”

“I . . . I . . .” she spluttered.

“That will be all, Mrs. Dustin. I merely asked you to show me where the Starks were, not to threaten them. I am responsible for Mrs. Stark’s medical condition, not you. And of course, we won’t be banning her from visiting her son.” He looked at Catelyn then. “Although she won’t be making any more visits today and we’ll have to see how she’s doing before I allow her up tomorrow. Now, let’s get you back into bed, Catelyn.”

Being rudely chastised by the nurse and then more politely chastised by her doctor was embarrassing, but Catelyn didn’t regret coming here. She’d needed to see and touch Robb to know he was still real. She closed her eyes and conjured in her mind the image of him in his isolette, knowing she could keep that with her until she could return. She’d also have Ned snap some pictures with his phone. 

As they passed Mandy on the way out, Ned stopped and told her with a smile, “Baby Boy Stark is now officially Robert Rickard Stark. We’re calling him Robb if you’d like to make one of those cute little cards for his isolette.”

“I’ll do it right now, Mr. Stark,” she smiled back at him. “We’ll see you soon, Mrs. Stark,” she said with a wink.

“Catelyn, I understand how badly you wanted to see the baby, but you must abide by my directives,” Dr. Luwin said with a sigh as he walked beside her chair back to her room. “It’s for your own health. Your blood pressure is coming down, but it isn’t normal yet even on meds, and running around can cause it to go up. Your platelets have stopped going down, but they’re still a bit lower than they should be. What if you’d fallen?”

“First of all, I’ve not done any running at all. I’m sitting. I’m encouraged to sit up in bed so why is it so awful to sit in a chair instead?  
Secondly, I can’t fall if I’m never allowed up. Ned literally picked me up from bed and set me in this chair. He wouldn’t even let me stand up to get in it!”  
Finally, and most importantly, you do not understand anything about how badly I needed to see my child or you would have referred to him as ‘your son’ instead of ‘the baby’ as if he’s just any generic infant. He is my son Robb who has literally lived inside of me for 32 weeks. He was there when I last went to sleep and when I woke up he was just gone as if he’d vanished. And all I could experience was his absence regardless of whether he was on another floor or another planet.  
I promise I’ll do as you say from this point forward, Dr. Luwin. I want to be healthy. I want to be able to care for my son. But had I not seen him at least once today, you’d be prescribing me psych meds by tomorrow.”

Dr. Luwin chuckled. “Point taken. But I’m holding you to your promise, Catelyn. If Ned is as diligent about keeping you still in your chair, I may allow another brief visit tomorrow, but only if your numbers are still on an improving trend.”

He then turned to Ned. “I was very sorry to hear about your brother, Ned. How’s your father?” 

Ned shook his head sadly. “He won’t recover,” he said simply.

“I am sorry. Words seem inadequate in the face of such loss, but I truly am sorry.”

“Thank you,” Ned said. “And thank you more than I can say for the lives of my wife and son.”

Dr. Luwin smiled at him. “I’m very glad they’re both safe and well on the way to recovery.”

Back in her room, Dr. Luwin checked her incision and took her blood pressure, which she was pleased to note was no higher after the NICU excursion than it had been before. 

She and Ned had scarcely settled back into her room when his cell phone rang.

“Hey, Lya, what’s up? . . . She’s doing very well. So is Robb . . . our son, Robert Rickard Stark. . . . yes, but please don’t tell him yet. Catelyn wants to do that, and you know he’ll be insufferable once he finds out. . . We’re fine. Just got back in the room from taking Catelyn to see our boy.” He laughed and then looked at Catelyn. “Apparently Robert has used the word perfect to describe our son repeatedly.”

“And he doesn’t even know his name yet,” Catelyn laughed. 

“So what’s going on there?” Ned spoke into the phone again. He was silent for a long time, and then said. “Of course. Just let me talk to Cat. . . . I love you, too, Lee-Lee.” He ended the call and walked to the window gazing out of it in silence.

“What is it, Ned?” she asked him.

“Benjen’s ready.”

“Oh. Well that’s good, I suppose. Painful. But good. He’d want you to let him go.”

He nodded, still facing out the window. “They want me to be there.”

“Of course they do. Go on, Ned. I’ll be here when you return.”

He did turn to look at her then. “I don’t want to leave you alone.”

“I won’t be alone. Robb’s here.”

“You can’t go see him, Catelyn” he said warningly.

“I can see him,” she smiled, closing her eyes, conjuring again the image of her beautiful baby boy. “Right here, Ned,” she said tapping her forehead. I’ve got him right here.” She opened her eyes. “I just wish I could go with you. This will be hard, my love.”

“I’ll be all right.”

“Come here,” she ordered him. When he reached the bed, she pulled him down until she could kiss his lips. “Keep that with you,” she said. “And know that I’m beside you the whole time.”

“I love you, Mrs. Stark.”

“I love you, Mr. Stark."

“I won’t be long.”

“You take as long as you need. I’ll be right here.” 

He sighed and turned toward the door. 

“Call and tell Lya you’re on the way,” she called out, and he nodded before going silently out the door.

Catelyn leaned back and closed her eyes. She didn’t really have a headache anymore, but her lower belly was sore and she still felt unbearably tired. She thought about Brandon. She still didn’t know what had transpired between him and Aerys Targaryen that somehow ended in gunfire. Those were questions for another day. But Brandon was dead. As inconceivable as that seemed, Brandon was really gone. Soon Rickard Stark would be gone, too, having never held either of his two grandsons. And although Ned believed he was already dead, standing by as the support was withdrawn and his heart finally stopped would be brutally painful. She prayed Ned would find comfort in his siblings’ presence. In Robert’s presence, too, for he would surely be there as well. Brandon and Rickard would leave holes in their lives, and she shuddered to think that she had come all too close to becoming another hole in Ned’s life, potentially taking Robb away with her. There were so many things all of them still needed to figure out. Robert and Lyanna had made up, but they certainly hadn’t addressed all that lay between them. And Ned was mired in grief and guilt deeper than Catelyn had ever seen. Catelyn herself faced going home without her baby, and that made her feel cold all over. But Robb would come home. Be it weeks or months from now, he would come home. She, Ned and Robb would be together, and she had to believe they could all recover with enough time and love.

Humanity is all kinds of messy. Robert was right about that. But within this messy humanity lay all the greatest joy and beauty she’d ever known. Lying alone in her hospital bed, Catelyn Stark vowed that she would never allow life’s messes, no matter how big, to keep the people she loved from finding whatever beauty and joy they sought. She was prepared to spend all the time and love she had to help them in their journeys.


End file.
